--{LeGoLyZ})--->'s space

ROGER PAUL GRAVES~~~> HASKELL OKLAHOMA ~~~> 

 

 

Y0,Sup, I'm going 2-make a long story short... extending back in time with an uncertain outcome.
~It's time 2-deal with pain~
~The INTRO~
Mary~lyz, "AKA" --{LeGoLyZ})---> Age 39, :O)
My Mother never talked about my Father. My Aunt told me his first & last name, The State & Town he resided in. Excitement is what I felt along with confusion. For nearly 18 years, I sat in suspense without making a move and then, one day the year was 2001, I was surfin' on the Information Super Hwy(internet) It was Yahoo.com Where I found him... my Biological Father. I couldn't call him for the life in me, D'oh!
Three years later, I had my friend call for me, "eeeeeek...." Then the SHiZzzNiT hit the fan! The rest is history.
2~Conclude, it's all in my blog... My Break~Through... In CYBER~THERAPY!!!
~This is where the healing begins~ Inner Demons!


Capitain's Log:
stardate:11283.3.444.3.2..2233jjf.3.3.4.320200000337.......
My crew and I.. or is it my crew and me? Anyway,
We're all sort of trapped here, floating about in cyber space.

4~THE RECORD, life's been good! FIRST & FOREMOST:...~~~~>
My life was never TERRIBLE growing~up!
It's all good... The only Terrible thing in my life is this man.... ARRGH!!!



~2004~ The Phone calls & pics~
~June 30~ (Roger called) The first call, he wants a picture of me & DNA test.
~July 01~ sent 2~pic's of myself 2~Roger.
~July 03~ Roger received 2~pic's of me.
~July 03~ missed 3/calls from Roger.
~July 04~ I called Roger.
~July 04~ received 3~pic's of Roger via e-mail.
~July 06~ Roger called he will call this/wknd w/plans 2~meet in Sioux City.
~July 10~ Roger called/bk he will call/bk again.
~July 13~ Roger called, we are going 2~ IOWA for DNA tests.
~July 13~ Rogers wife called my cell phone, she will be with Roger.
~July 14~ going 2~IOWA for DNA tests.
~July 15~ I called Roger 2~say hi.

~July 22~ The e-mails~~> 1st & last one from Roger~

>Liz,

I know you probably wonder why you have not heard from me this past week.
One reason is I have been extremely busy and the other is that I am just really undecided as to how I should deal with this.

I hope you understand. You have known how to contact me for over two years
and could not bring yourself to contact me and even now you had someone else do it for you. It has only been three weeks since I was contacted about you so you can see how I am still wondering what is the best thing to do.

Perhaps exchanging pictures and having the meeting in Iowa was not the best way to go. I feel like maybe we should have had the testing done before we met and then once we had the test results took it from there.

When we met and we told you we would be in touch with you regarding the testing after we returned home it was what we intended to do but I will tell you now I am really undecided. I don't know what this is going to to our lives but I do worry and have concerns about it.

You have your life and seem to be really happy with John and your son. I know I am really happy with Sue and love her more then anything in the world and do not want to see her hurt by this. She has been understanding and helpful but it is really hard for her to have to deal with this.

When you called me and asked me to meet you in Wichita right away and do blood test I was really caught off guard because we had just left there and had already agreed that we would be in touch and make arrangements for testing. I know you feel absolutely sure about this but I still feel there is a possibility that I may not be your biological parent. If I am your biological parent I don't know what kind of relationship will develop or what either one us of really want to happen. I guess we can take the test and go from there.

I will have Sue order the test so you should receive it in a few days. Take care and I will contact you again when the test are done or if you want to reply please e-mail me.

Sincerely,

Roger

~Aug 03~ The e-mails~~> from Rogers wife Sue~

Liz,
I ordered the test last week so you should receive it any day. You will need to have your name and Rogers on the paperwork so they will know who to test it with if this is something you still want to do.

Please send a e-mail and let us know.

Sue


~Aug 10~ The e-mails~~> from Rogers wife Sue~

Liz,

I don't want you to take this letter personally. It is not you. It is the situation, and the situation is something we did not expect to happen but, it has, and now we are trying to deal with it.

I am sorry you feel like you have been on a roller coaster ride but I don't think you have any idea what we have been going through. It has not been easy. Just stop and think about it. We have been married for 36 years and just one normal day we get a call from some stranger half way across the country and she says you have a daughter just as if she was calling in a pizza.

I don't know if there was any thought given to how we would be affected by this and what it would do to our lives before you had her make that call. well, I can tell you it has done plenty. We don't know what to do or how we should handle it.

Roger said maybe it would help to get some of these feelings out in the open and some of our questions answered.

Days go by and we do not bring it up, then other days it seems like it consumes our lives and we try to figure out what to do. Roger is upset as to whether he is doing the right thing and he does want to do the right thing. He says he knows you could be his daughter and probably are, then other times he just does not know what to think. I know he does not want to hurt your feelings and if you are his daughter he feels an obligation to acknowledge the fact.

He says he does not want this to affect our life but, too late, it already has and he worries about my feelings and what this could do to us. We really don't want our lives changed because we are quite happy the way things are, or we were. I want what he wants, and if you are his daughter and he wants you in his life I will accept that. I love him more then anything in the world and I want him to be happy and not have to be upset or worried, or made to feel guilty.

If you were wanting him to feel guilty when you told him how you never married because you did not have anyone to walk you down the aisle and how terrible your life was growing up when we were at that restaurant, you succeeded. But, only if he really is your dad. He said he would still feel bad for you if he isn't but, it would not be his fault. I tell him, it is not his fault anyway. Your mother was the one raising you and if she could not handle it and if she knew you belonged to him she should have brought him into your life.

Did you know he has known about you for 36 years because a guy that lived with your aunt told his Mom about it and gave her a picture claiming you were his? We both looked at the it and I asked him if it was his baby and he said he didn't think so. He told me Ben mentioned it to him a few years later but he did not respond to him. I guess he did not want to get involed or still did not believe it. I don't know why. This has never been brought up again in all the years since that picture was shown to us and I actually forgot about it. Why he is considering it now I don't know, maybe it is because he is a Christian now and feels like it is the right thing to do.

When there is something that involed two people such as this you would expect the person involved in it to let you know that it is for real and not some third party. It was your mothers place to tell him and by not doing that he never knew for sure. I guess he just did not believe it or did not feel strongly enough about it to find out.

This was two teenagers letting their hormones take over and neither one of them even knew the other. He said he does not even really remember her. It was 1967, almost 40 years ago. He was their in a house with some strangers he didn't even know accept for some guy he happened to be traveling with on a job. He remembers being there a short while and Ben went down and bought a lot of beer and everybody was drinking.

Maybe she was not sure if he was the dad or maybe she just did not want him involved. If he had ever believed it and wanted to be a part of your life I think he would have done something in the last 36 years to make it happen. He knew how to contact your family and they knew where he was so it's not like nobody could reach the other had they wanted to.

I know you feel strongly about him being your father. What we don't know is what you want to become of this if he is. You say you would do anything for him, all he needs to do is ask. That is a pretty strong statement for someone you really don't know.

The main question we have is, what exactly do you mean when you say "he is your creator and you would like to be with him"?

There are more peoples lives involved here then just one. You have a family, we have a family. I hope you already have a happy life as it now. I know we are happy and do not want anything to change that.

Roger has not taken the test yet. He still doesn't know for sure that is what he wants to do.

Now that I have been able to let you know some of the things we been feeling and going through, perhaps you would share some of your thoughts and feelings with us, or if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to send a e-mail.

I will stand by Roger no matter what because I love him and respect him. He is not only my husband but my closest and best friend. I will always be here for him in whatever decision he makes.

I had Roger read this before I sent it to make sure he agreed with everything I said.

Sue


~Aug 14~ The e-mails~~> from Rogers wife Sue~

Where in my e-mail did you see the word selfish? I was only trying to let you know some of the things we have been feeling about this. Roger thought it would be a good idea to get them out in the open and also to find out what you are thinking.

We were especially wondering what you meant by "I would like to be with my CREATOR" in the e-mail before.

I cannot help it because Roger has not taken the test or called you since we came back from the meeting in Iowa. When he is ready, or wants to, he will. He did read your e-mail that you sent to me on Wed. but started talking to him in the last part, telling him to call.

I did try to get him to fly to Minn. and spend the weekend after we came back from Iowa so you and him could get to know each other better and not have me or John there to interrupt but he would not do it. I thought if he spent more time with you he might get that fatherly feeling, if he really is.

Regarding the e-mails, don't worry, this will be the last one you get from me.

Sue Graves


~Aug 24~ I called Roger 2~say WaZZzzzup? said he needs TIME 2/wks.
~Sept 07~ waiting...Call/bk if Roger has not called/bk.
~Sept 29~ I called Roger, a lady took a message.


~Oct 23~ The e-mails from Rogers wife Sue~ 5th e-mail.

We read your card a couple of days ago but was surprised that you would send a delated birthday card when Roger has not had a birthday.

Actually it is surprising that you keep trying to make contact with him since it has been over three months since we came back from Iowa and Roger has not made any attempt to contact you since then or return any of your calls. What does that indicate to you?

Mrs. Roger Graves

 

W00~H00~~> last e~mail... Thank GOD!
LOL umm...~~~~~~~~~~~~> He who angers you, controls you! <~~~~~~~~~~~ eh ROFLMFAO

 

~2005~
~June 30~ It's been one yr 2~the day I talk 2~Roger.
~July 14~ One yr 2~the day I met Roger.
~Nov 03~ Roger calls OMG!!! & said his wife & me didn't hit it off, eh~ Roger says, he will call bk & he wants 2~talk more you know get 2~know me better... Lies,Lies.. D'oh! :O) ARRGH! "Never fear the unknown" in the GREAT game of life. I WAS JUDGED~~~~> AND ~~~~~~~> HATED WITHOUT A CAUSE. YOUR Dreams don't always have a happy ending, the start was the end of mine..

GOD Himself does not propose 2 judge a man until he is dead.
So why should you?


~2006~
--{REAL MEDICINE})--->
Many can comprehend human kinship, even when it crosses racial boundaries, though the relationship between mankind and all other Creation has lost the spiritual connection that brings harmony and purpose to our being.

It is said that all things that cast a shadow possess Spirit, and all Spirit comes from our maker, therefore we are all undeniably related.

The beautiful Rose that you notice everyday. The unique pebble that captures your eye. The feather of a magnificent hawk you find in your yard. A lock of hair from a loved one, or even the trusty rabbits foot on your key ring. These things are all physical forms of spiritual existence.

They are items from the Greatest Inventor. The Master of all Mysteries. The Creator of Everything. From a small child's comforter, to the four leaf clover pressed in the diary of a young girl, wishful things come. Our nature from birth holds a reverence for things we associate with blessing and assurance. Heirlooms, trinkets, keepsakes and curios are all objects of fascination, that may be valuable to no one else, yet they are emotionally priceless to their keepers.

As we grow older, and supposedly wiser, we sometimes outgrow our net oral instincts to cling to items of Spiritual importance to us. We distance ourselves from the Spirit realm with the ignorance of modern intellect. This is one of the reasons why nature has become something many no longer relate to, or respect. The knowledge of man often times brings with confusion in our relationship with Creation. Our ears become deaf to the Spirits that call to us. Our inner being, our Spiritual Self; must be nurtued, and some have unknowingly hidden their instincts away.

The familiar voice of the Spirit World no longer speaks to them. They have moved from their Center, lost touch with their inner man. Spiritual gifts come to us all, though many do not recognize them and fail to understand our relationship with all things.

The existence of Spirit is something that many debate. Yet these doubts are forgotten when someone dear to them has passed on. It is not uncommon to find the living visiting the graves of the departed. Bringing them items and gifts that they have enjoyed in life. Or simply just going to talk to them, and yes, finding solace from these encounters with the spirit of someone greatly misses.

The items one considers Medicine differ as widely as personalities do. They are generally objects of natural substance, being from a living source. Medicine Bags are worn by some constantly, and by others only when felt necessary or needed. They may contain tokens from Animal, Plant, Bird, Stone, or human. These things offer their own individual Spiritual qualities. When carried by one in a respected manner, they offer protection, Blessing, or simply confidence or assurance. It can be called good luck by those who do not understand the sacred aspects of things, but to those of us who have had personal experience involving the Spirit Realm, our Medicine is very important to us. The Medicine Bag is sacred and Powerful.

The collection and reverence of the items we choose, or the gifts of Medicine that we have been given by others teach us lessons, relating to Spiritual things. We learn of offerings that are given in respect of the items that are accepted as Medicine. We learn Purification of these items by smudging with Sage, SweetGrass, with a blend of Cedar, as well as the care of ourselves as spirits and of others, along with the value of everything that has been given because Life is Spirit... these lessons develope a respect for all our relations, and from this we begin to re~awaken; our inner being, our spiritual selves.
--{Syd~Byrd~Hawk})--->

--{INNER DEMONS})---> Demons r inside us all - to a larger extent in some, to a lesser extent in others.
To laugh, is to risk playing the fool.
To weep, is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another, is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings, is to risk exposing our true selves.
To put your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk loss.
To love, is to risk not being loved in return.
To live, is to risk dying.
To hope, is to risk despair.
To try at all, is to risk failure.
But the risk must be taken,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they simply cannot learn, change, feel, grow, love, live...
Chained by their attitudes they r slaves.
Only the person who risks everything is completely free!

Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up & permanently set.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them ~ He'll clean them.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes 2..........discourage him.

 

~This is the GUY BELOW~

 

 

 

P.S.

Shannon Graves Haskell Oklahoma & Jason Graves Haskell Oklahoma ~~~> Never met them & never will... my HALF BROTHERS il never meet oh well THE END.

 

~Saturday, February 09, 2008~

~Roger Paul Graves/HASKELL, OKLAHOMA.~~> Delise/HASKELL???~

~Delise~

Female
54 years old
HASKELL, ???
United States


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Delise

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Date:

Feb 7, 2008 2:20 PM
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URGENT

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We own a trucking company and when you google our phone - for some unknown reason, you have your "CYBER-STUFF" attached to our information. Your info comes up on Roger P Graves Trucking Inc, and we are Graves Trucking.. Basically, if someone wants to contact you it looks like they should call the phone 's listed, however, I would be calling myself to reach you! I wanted to personally speak with you-but can't because the numbers you are tied to are not yours.
I have contacted several agencies and made the decision to give you the opportunity to correct what surely is an innocent error.
It is troubling that our customer could possibly associate Trucking in Haskell, OK to transformers, strange documents the need to be de-coded, the F-word over and over, TeePees and more strange stuff. We are not associated with you and want this corrected ASAP.

Thanks.


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